Roger Waters, legendary musician and founding member of progressive rock band Pink Floyd, died today after a two year battle with a rare form of AIDS most commonly found in dogs. He was 75 years old.

Waters, who was on the road for his “Us + Them” tour, was believed to be in good health in recent months and his death came as a surprise to family and friends.

“His case of AIDS was very mild,” said family friend John Heroin. “He used to joke around and start barking before he would vomit or pass out, pretending to be a dog with AIDS.”

Dog AIDS is rarely found in human beings, says Dr. Jean Glimpski of the HIV/AIDS Research Center at Ohio State University.

“It’s called dog AIDS because dogs get it, not humans,” Dr. Glimpski explained. “Gay humans typically just gets AIDS, which is the most common variation of the syndrome.”

Glimpski said she was surprised a heterosexual male like Waters would have AIDS at all, especially the form typically reserved for canines.

“Gay people account for 99.9% of all AIDS cases,” Glimpski said. “And that’s including the animal variations. I’m not sure how he could have contracted it.”

Waters never explained the origination of his dog AIDS and rarely commented on the illness.

All scheduled 2019-2020 tour stops for “Us + Them” have been cancelled and refunds are being administered to ticket holders.

 

25 COMMENTS

  1. It’s because it isn’t real, Steve. It’s supposed to be a satire but the problem is that this “writer” is also a moron, and apparently a homophobe.

  2. I am sending this, as a screenshot and a link to Mr. Waters. I hope you enjoyed your time as a “journalist” personally I hope you never can work again… As anything.

    Fuck you, sincerely.
    Adam J. Butler

  3. Prepare for a major judicial fist up your asses. I have already sent this article to Mr. Waters and his record label. You must be the dumbest fucking news agency of all time… You cannot feign real news, and fake news dumbfucks you are not fox news. You’re going to pay for this, and dearly.

  4. Anyone who gets their news from delaware Ohio news is just plain sad and ignorant. It is a sad thing to live in this town.

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