National News

Inside the Yecosystem: Kanye’s Dystopian Vision for Amish Country

Inside Kanye West's plans to transform Amish Country into a dark futuristic hellscape. Obsession with Amish Values Kanye West is no stranger to grandiose plans and...

Les Wexner Auctioning Off His American Girl Doll Collection for Charity

Columbus billionaire and avid doll collector Les Wexner announced today that he will be auctioning off his world-class American Girl doll collection for charity....

Kanye West Pens Heartfelt Note to People of Ukraine

Ye, the rapper formerly known as Kanye West, penned a heartfelt note to the people of Ukraine this week. In an exclusive leak obtained...

Archaeologists Discover Little Boy Semen In Michael Jackson’s Tomb

Archaeologists excavating Michael Jackson’s tomb in Forest lawn, California, have uncovered traces of semen that match the DNA makeup of adolescent Homo sapien males. A...

Biden Orders VA To Withhold Health Benefits From Unvaccinated Veterans

President Joe Biden has ordered the Department of Veterans Affairs to withhold healthcare benefits from unvaccinated veterans as part of an aggressive new initiative...

Smithsonian Selects Columbus for Museum of Alcoholism and Shootouts

According to an announcement from the institute’s board of regents, the Smithsonian Institution has selected Columbus, Ohio as the home for its new National...

Taliban Launches OnlyFans Competitor OnlyQurans

The Taliban has launched a new website, OnlyQurans, aimed at spreading the message of Islam and the strict moral guidelines prescribed in the Quran....

Slaves Owned By Dr. Seuss Speak Out For The First Time

In light of six Dr. Seuss books being censored for racial insensitivity, several slaves who were owned by the late children's book author are...

Politician Believes He’d Make A Difference If He Wasn’t Such A Piece Of Shit

After taking moral inventory, a local politician believes he could have a positive impact on his community if only he wasn't such a piece...

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Volunteers Needed to Rake Leaves at Blue Limestone Park

To combat the unsightly side of autumn, the City...

Ignore That Drunk Man With Machete

A hammered drunk man wielding a machete is wandering...

What is a Dead Rat’s Midget’s Anus?

Ah, a question as old as time. Let us...

Health Dept: Please Don’t Copulate on Mattress Behind Kroger

The Delaware Public Health District has asked residents not...

‘Can Opener’ Opens Actual Can

The notorious 'can opener' bridge lived up to its...