National News

Kanye West Pens Heartfelt Note to People of Ukraine

Ye, the rapper formerly known as Kanye West, penned a heartfelt note to the people of Ukraine this week. In an exclusive leak obtained...

Archaeologists Discover Little Boy Semen In Michael Jackson’s Tomb

Archaeologists excavating Michael Jackson’s tomb in Forest lawn, California, have uncovered traces of semen that match the DNA makeup of adolescent Homo sapien males. A...

Biden Orders VA To Withhold Health Benefits From Unvaccinated Veterans

President Joe Biden has ordered the Department of Veterans Affairs to withhold healthcare benefits from unvaccinated veterans as part of an aggressive new initiative...

Smithsonian Selects Columbus for Museum of Alcoholism and Shootouts

According to an announcement from the institute’s board of regents, the Smithsonian Institution has selected Columbus, Ohio as the home for its new National...

Taliban Launches OnlyFans Competitor OnlyQurans

The Taliban has launched a new website, OnlyQurans, aimed at spreading the message of Islam and the strict moral guidelines prescribed in the Quran....

Slaves Owned By Dr. Seuss Speak Out For The First Time

In light of six Dr. Seuss books being censored for racial insensitivity, several slaves who were owned by the late children's book author are...

Politician Believes He’d Make A Difference If He Wasn’t Such A Piece Of Shit

After taking moral inventory, a local politician believes he could have a positive impact on his community if only he wasn't such a piece...

Trump Gives Homeless Veterans a Lifetime Supply of Signs

President Trump today pledged that his Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) will be helping homeless veterans grow their panhandling businesses by providing them with...

Mike Pence Says He Shouldn’t Allow Men to Suck on His Penis

Vice President Mike Pence said he shouldn’t allow men to suck on his penis because it goes against his Christian beliefs.  “I am a Christian...

Popular

Downtown Clothing Shop Toujours Announces “Biscuits and Blouses” Event

https://youtu.be/-Ege05lBQFk In a bizarre but fun pairing, local clothing consignment...

Jeffrey Dahmer’s Victims’ Families Sue Budweiser

The families of Jeffrey Dahmer's victims are suing Budweiser,...

City Appoints First Black Police Chief

The City of Delaware has appointed Captain Adam Moore...

Delaware Shooting: Drunk Man Targeted Teens Who Laughed at Him

An angry drunk psycho shot at a group of...

The 5 Funniest Heroin Dealers in Delaware, Ohio

So you’re addicted to heroin and have to buy...