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Disposable Plastic Bathtub Enrages Environmentalists

Did You Know

Rare Species of Female Alcoholic Resurfaces, Screams Profanities

Rare Species of Female Alcoholic Resurfaces, Screams Profanities In the past two weeks, residents of Delaware, Ohio have reported sightings of a rare native...
Drugs & Rec

Columbus Zoo Expects Another 5-10 Animals To Die This Weekend

The Columbus Zoo & Aquarium says they expect another 5 to 10 animals to die this weekend because they don't know what they are...
Local News

NASA’s First Terrestrial Space Station Will Seek Intelligent Life on Earth

NASA administrators announced today that Delaware, Ohio has been selected as the site of the agency's first terrestrial space station, ending an eight year search...
Science

Facebook Fetus Pictures Cause National Epidemic

In the past year, there has been an alarming increase in otherwise healthy American citizens entering hospitals complaining of random outbursts of uncontrollable projectile...
Science

Delaware Doctor Successfully Aborts One Twin

Delaware, Ohio based abortionist Carl Dostoevsky successfully aborted one of two Siamese twins yesterday at Grady Hospital, dissolving the tiresome question of what to...
Science

Hammer Meaningless in Light of Scientific Theory

The hammer is a meaningless wood-metal contraption, according to a recent scientific revelation: If the universe has no meaning and life has no purpose,...

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Cocaine Lemur: Missing Pet Goes On Drug-Fueled Rampage in Marysville

Drugs & Rec 0
The saga of the missing red ruffed lemur from...

Revised Short North Curfew Only Applies to Blue-Haired People, Allies

Crime 0
In an announcement that can only be seen as...

Man Jerks Off Into Bucket

Local News 0
A Delaware man is resting today after spending the...

DUI Checkpoints Planned for Columbus Police Parking Lots

Drugs & Rec 0
The Franklin County DUI Task Force will conduct sobriety...

Columbus Police Unveil Black History Month Cruiser, “AFRICA 1”

Local News 0
The Columbus Police Department has unveiled a special edition...
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Delaware Ohio News is an online news and content source dedicated to Delaware, Ohio. Founded in the year 1808, we strive to be Delaware's premier news source, second only to the illustrious Delaware Gazette. Although we were the first Delaware, Ohio newspaper, they remain the lords of Delaware news media. That's why we're suicidal and on so many drugs.

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