Science

Rare Species of Female Alcoholic Resurfaces, Screams Profanities

Rare Species of Female Alcoholic Resurfaces, Screams Profanities In the past two weeks, residents of Delaware, Ohio have reported sightings of a rare native...

Columbus Zoo Expects Another 5-10 Animals To Die This Weekend

The Columbus Zoo & Aquarium says they expect another 5 to 10 animals to die this weekend because they don't know what they are...

NASA’s First Terrestrial Space Station Will Seek Intelligent Life on Earth

NASA administrators announced today that Delaware, Ohio has been selected as the site of the agency's first terrestrial space station, ending an eight year search...

Facebook Fetus Pictures Cause National Epidemic

In the past year, there has been an alarming increase in otherwise healthy American citizens entering hospitals complaining of random outbursts of uncontrollable projectile...

Delaware Doctor Successfully Aborts One Twin

Delaware, Ohio based abortionist Carl Dostoevsky successfully aborted one of two Siamese twins yesterday at Grady Hospital, dissolving the tiresome question of what to...

Hammer Meaningless in Light of Scientific Theory

The hammer is a meaningless wood-metal contraption, according to a recent scientific revelation: If the universe has no meaning and life has no purpose,...

Popular

Housing Development Approved for Mingo Park

The Delaware Planning Commission has approved Manifest Destiny Fields,...

Volunteers Needed to Rake Leaves at Blue Limestone Park

To combat the unsightly side of autumn, the City...

Ignore That Drunk Man With Machete

A hammered drunk man wielding a machete is wandering...

What is a Dead Rat’s Midget’s Anus?

Ah, a question as old as time. Let us...

Health Dept: Please Don’t Copulate on Mattress Behind Kroger

The Delaware Public Health District has asked residents not...