We have all heard of prostitutes: men and women who run the streets, selling sex and sin. But sex isn’t all these street warriors sell. A select few have started selling other services. Odd to most, but erotic to some, the arts of sexual urination and defecation are fast becoming two of America’s most popular forms of taboo.
Bob, an employee of North High Street in Columbus, Ohio, says he can earn up to $150.00 per Blind Forty-niner. A Blind Forty-niner is the term used to describe a shot of sticky semen to the eye followed by a hot golden shower (urine) to the chest.
“The elderly and children (ages 8-17) are usually the most apt to purchase a Blind forty-niner,” said Bob “They like it better because it’s erotic and sexual, but not too erotic and sexual. They can get the rush of purchasing sex from a complete stranger without actually getting fucked and penetrated by a complete stranger. It’s also kind of funny.”
Bob went on to explain that handicapped and mentally retarded customers also enjoy the Blind forty-niner because they can participate without much effort. Bob told Delaware Ohio News about his most frequent customer, John, an autistic man confined to a wheel chair.
“John has purchased the Blind forty-niner so many times that the wheels on his chair are rusty,” Bob exclaimed. “He doesn’t really know what the fuck is going on. Sometimes I say fuck it and just piss all over him and his chair. He’s been coming to me for years, though, so he obviously enjoys it.”
Critics are quick to point out the negatives surrounding the new fad.
Henry, a long time supporter of legalized prostitution and regular patron of local escort services, says urinating and defecating on people for money is “taking it too far.” He continued, “I’ve always enjoyed picking up some disease infested slut for a good time, but now they all just want to piss on you and leave.”
Henry believes that urinating and defecating on people for profit is giving the prostitution industry a bad name.
According to another local whore-lover, Dr. Rosevelt Meen, a Sociology Professor at Ohio Wesleyan University, prostitutes like the new fads because, although they are rather disgusting, they are very easy and safe to perform.
“It’s not fucking rocket science,” Meen explained. “You pay them the money, then they just do their business all over you.”
Local prostitutes are quick to point out the fact that sex acts including urination and defecation can be a form of art.
Lucy McDingus, another local prostitute, says she has mastered the skill of being able to paint a replica of the Mona Lisa on her customer’s chest after she takes a shit on them.
“I can’t do it all the time though. My shit has to be the perfect texture,” Lucy reminded us.
Another one of Lucy’s favorite is the Fire Bomb. A fire bomb is a direct shot of shit to the face from an inflamed anus.
“The days after I’ve ate some flaming buffalo wings or hot chili is when I usually advertise my Fire Bomb special. Eskimos love it!”
No matter what your view on Urination/Defecation, it’s here to stay. Over 50% of people polled said they either had or would try the activity.
“It’s a new sexual revolution!” says a professor at Mikstone University. “There is just something sexy about the aroma of fresh shit in your hair that keeps you coming back for more.”
