The Delaware Public Health District has asked residents not to copulate on the mattress behind Kroger on Route 23.
Their announcement read:
“There is a mattress behind Kroger on Route 23. Please DO NOT HAVE sex on it. “
Sincerely,
Your Friends at the Delaware Public Health District
“I understand the urge to have sex on dank mattresses stained with bodily fluids and inexplicably dumped in secluded places, ” said Health Commissioner Garrett Guillozet. “But we must not act on those urges. Especially not more than once. It’s unsanitary.”
WHY DOES THIS NEED TO BE SAID
This is an epidemic. I’ll be picking said mattress up around 5:00PM EST today.