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Faith & Values

Taliban Launches OnlyFans Competitor OnlyQurans

The Taliban has launched a new website, OnlyQurans, aimed at spreading the message of Islam and the strict moral guidelines prescribed in the Quran....
Crime

Local Pimp Makes Hoe Slap Herself on Zoom Call

A local pimp is in hot water after he allegedly made his hoe slap herself on a recent Zoom call. The pimp, Two-C McNally, says...
Local News

‘Don’t Molest Me’ Stickers Now Available at the Delaware Police Department

Stickers that read "Don't Molest Me" are now available for free from the Delaware Police Department. Police Chief Pigeon Housekey says the stickers are...
Blog

My Grandpa Likes Autoerotic Asphyxiation and Wants to Die from Coronavirus

My text conversations with my grandfather keep getting stranger and stranger. Here we are discussing his nursing home quarantine, coronavirus, and his newfound love...
Blog

My Mom Helped My Grandpa Take a Dick Pic and Now We Don’t Speak Anymore

I was having fun posting the conversations between me and my grandpa but after learning my mom is the one who helped him take...
Blog

Ohio State Releases 2019 Sexual Assault Report: “Faces of Sexual Assault”

The Wexner Center for Human Trafficking and Sexual Assault at Ohio State has released its 2019 Report on Sexual Violence, an annual report on...
Blog

My Grandpa Asked for a Digital Circumcision Because He Doesn’t Like His Penis

Earlier I shared a conversation I had with my grandfather where he was asking how to find porn on his phone. When he followed...
Blog

Teaching My Grandpa How to Find Porn on His Phone

This is a text message conversation I had with my grandfather where he asks me how to find porn on the internet. ...
National News

Mike Pence Says He Shouldn’t Allow Men to Suck on His Penis

Vice President Mike Pence said he shouldn’t allow men to suck on his penis because it goes against his Christian beliefs.  “I am a Christian...
Drugs & Rec

Farm Animals At Fair Ask For Gentle Pats

Fair animals large and small issued a joint statement from the Delaware County Fair this afternoon, aiming to educate children about proper petting zoo...
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Popular

Cocaine Lemur: Missing Pet Goes On Drug-Fueled Rampage in Marysville

Drugs & Rec 0
The saga of the missing red ruffed lemur from...

Revised Short North Curfew Only Applies to Blue-Haired People, Allies

Crime 0
In an announcement that can only be seen as...

Man Jerks Off Into Bucket

Local News 0
A Delaware man is resting today after spending the...

DUI Checkpoints Planned for Columbus Police Parking Lots

Drugs & Rec 0
The Franklin County DUI Task Force will conduct sobriety...

Columbus Police Unveil Black History Month Cruiser, “AFRICA 1”

Local News 0
The Columbus Police Department has unveiled a special edition...
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Delaware Ohio News is an online news and content source dedicated to Delaware, Ohio. Founded in the year 1808, we strive to be Delaware's premier news source, second only to the illustrious Delaware Gazette. Although we were the first Delaware, Ohio newspaper, they remain the lords of Delaware news media. That's why we're suicidal and on so many drugs.

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