Willard Johannes Bennings, a staunch creationist and priest of the Delaware Church of Creation Science, recently had sex with a 10-year-old female chimpanzee in an attempt to prove that humans and chimps are not closely related.

The strange courtship was “part of a larger attempt to prove that evolution is false and Darwin was a crazed deviant,” Bennings said in statement issued before the experiment.“If this chimp gal doesn’t give me a little ape kid, I’ll prove that we and them chimpanzees ain’t related,” Bennings said. “I’ve had 17 kids—I don’t miss. Go on and ask my wife—she’ll tell you.”

Beyond speculation on whether Bennings should be considered a priest, given his marriage and strong penchant for sexual behavior, many scientists questioned the feasibility of his experimental goals.

“The idea that this ape failing to produce offspring would disprove the idea of evolution or show that humans and chimpanzees aren’t closely related is completely absurd,” said Charles Wallace, Delaware’s City-appointed evolutionist. “Test after test has shown that humans and chimpanzees are related. Interbreeding isn’t a necessary condition for this.

“And besides, I’m not even sure the experimental chimp shown off by Bennings was a female. It looked an awful lot to me like young male—or even a little boy. So not only is Bennings’ hypothesis flawed—his basic technique of sex identification seems way off base.”

As local scientists expected, the courtship failed. Wallace‘s speculation also proved correct: a follow-up on the chimp’s sex showed that it indeed was a young male.

“I’m not sure what Bennings was thinking,” said Friedrich von Eckhard, Delaware zoologist. “Even a chimpanzee would realize that this is an idiotic idea.”

Bennings is now under fire from animal rights activists, who are threatening to sue him for “cruel—and disturbingly strange—treatment of an innocent animal.” He is also being questioned about how he managed to find a chimpanzee in Delaware, Ohio.

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Ricardo Paye is a Senior Correspondent with Delaware Ohio News. Born and raised on Delaware's gritty Northside, he's a reporter with a deep knowledge of the streets who isn't afraid to ask the tough questions. He's a prominent heroin addict and volunteers his time throughout Central Ohio showing new junkies the ropes. His fondest childhood memory is getting a hand job from a public utility worker in the basement of Pilsner's 5 & Dime store. He holds a degree in Amusement Park Design from Ohio Wesleyan University.

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