Township Residents Shocked That Law Enforcement Officers Actually Serve Corrupt Government

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Liberty Township residents were shocked to discover this week that beloved local law enforcement officers are– in fact– sexual slaves to the corrupt government sugar daddies and mommies that give them new cruisers, tanks, and help them get away with sexually assaulting the drunk women they arrest.

“I’ve always respected law enforcement because I thought the police were on my side. Everything I was taught in life led me to believe the police and the people were members of the same community, that they were our protectors, keepers of the peace,” said resident Charles Imdeadnow. “But after this week’s meeting, I see I’ve had it all wrong. They pretend to be on our side.”

Some Liberty Township residents say they now understand what it feels like to be an impoverished Black man with minor misdemeanors on his criminal record. Completely powerless over a machine that doesn’t give a fuck about them.

“I get it now. Being Black sucks. I thought I had it made because I was white and rich, but now I realize I’m just another relatively weak asshole,” said Shauna Simples, administrator of popular Facebook group The Powell Bubble. “I have thousands of people posting and screaming their lungs out, trying to speak up and make a difference in their community, and it means absolutely nothing. No one listens.” Tears welled in Simple’s eyes.

“The government can do whatever it wants and the cops will back them up. We get laughed at. We’re all fucked.”

Some Powell residents are politely asking law enforcement officers to reconsider which side they are on before it is too late. Others are ready for a fight.

“At the end of the day, we have more guns than they do,” said John Dabaptist, an Ostrander weapons-enthusiast and neo-anarchist, who is turning out to be right about everything he’s posted about on Facebook for the past eight years. “Let them be corrupt. Let them all expose themselves. One day, the blood of the corrupt will be but a footprint we leave on the fresh sidewalk of history. Our children will roast marshmallows over the burning bodies of the authoritarian regime.”

Ricardo Paye
Ricardo Paye
Ricardo Paye is a Senior Correspondent with Delaware Ohio News. Born and raised in the Delaware County Fairgrounds, he's a reporter with a deep knowledge of the streets who isn't afraid to ask tough questions. His fondest childhood memory is getting a hand job from a public utility worker in the basement of Pilsner's 5 & Dime store. He holds a bachelor's degree in Euthanasia from Ohio Wesleyan University.


  1. Although Americans feel that tyranny is safer than freedom because they think government workers are holy gods, living in a police state is actually more dangerous because there is no accountability.

    You wouldn’t kill a kid on your own, but you would if the Gestapo told you to and you wouldn’t feel any remorse because you were just following orders.

  2. Okay so Most of the time the stuff you are saying leads to very bad things. You should understand that words on news sites are heard by many people. They have new cruisers because they pay their taxes and do the hardest job in that township for people other than themselves they still do scary scary things for you. even when they say stuff poorly about them I guarantee he’d still protect you because he’s not a hateful one but a protector of the people. That’s his job to confront people that are the biggest problem in the area all season long. It’s not an authoritarian regime you just have to understand that if people do not feel safe then someone is usually removed so that people feel safe and can enjoy the love and warmth of being with a friend or family member and doing things that are enjoyable and solid. Instead of being afraid to go outside they can play and travel and do things that don’t destroy and burn like a hateful feeling like the flu. Don’t be aggressive just be soft. Attacks bring tension and then violence which results in loss of function. Be resilient and accept another’s opinion often. Then they won’t find other friends. Try some new music or the library is free. Share clothes if you feel poor and you’ll have two wardrobes instead of one. If you’ve never given someone something meaningful for nothing then don’t be mad when you don’t get something even though somehow you still may. Happy spring and get a tan and enjoy the waters


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