School Record Broken

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Seniors Sheela Teets and Becky Cootsburg have set yet another pointless record at Ohio Wesleyan University.

They managed to sit next to each other every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 10 a.m. to 10:50 a.m. in PG350, Judicial Process and Policymaking. There is no history of anyone doing that at OWU, probably because nobody cared enough to keep track.

Cootsburg said it was extremely difficult to maintain the streak.

“There was like, this one Friday where I totally had the worst hair I have ever seen in my life, even on a homeless person,” Cootsburg said. “But my cute little light blue hat saved the day, and the record.”

According to these two stupid, slutty blondes, they decided to go for the record during the summer.

“Well, I was talking to Becky and I asked her what classes she was taking,” Teets said. “And I remember, she was like, ‘I’m taking PG350!’ I was like, ‘Oh my god what time!?’ And she was like ’10:00!’ And I was like, ‘Oh my god we are totally taking the same class at the same time!’ And she was like, ‘Let’s sit next to each other every day!’ And I was like, ‘Yeah that sounds fun!'”

Teets and Cootsburg have asked WCSA, OWU’s student government, for funding to pay for a plaque recognizing their accomplishment. They want it to be hung up in the classroom where their class was held. WCSA has approved it.

Cootsburg said they normally ate Frosted Flakes for breakfast together before they walked to class. Both refused to comment on how retarded their conversation over breakfast usually was.

Other records these two hold are most consecutive nights giving head at a fraternity house, lowest GPA without being pulled out of school, and most laughs while watching Carlos Mencia.

Both are on schedule to graduate in the spring, but definitely should not be.

Ricardo Paye
Ricardo Paye
Ricardo Paye is a Senior Correspondent with Delaware Ohio News. Born and raised in the Delaware County Fairgrounds, he's a reporter with a deep knowledge of the streets who isn't afraid to ask tough questions. His fondest childhood memory is getting a hand job from a public utility worker in the basement of Pilsner's 5 & Dime store. He holds a bachelor's degree in Euthanasia from Ohio Wesleyan University.


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