Sexual Positions

As spring semester comes to a close, Ohio Wesleyan University students enrolled in “PE485: Advanced and Experimental Sexual Positions” are almost ready to present their final projects to student ticket holders.

“I couldn’t ask for a more curious and engaged group of students,” said PE485 instructor Jim Thunderwood. “We are going to put on one hell of a show in Gray Chapel next week.”

The class is composed of 30 students, and includes 11 heterosexual pairs, two male homosexual pairs and two lesbian pairs. Each pair was asked to prepare an original or unusually advanced sexual maneuver for the final.

Juniors Dave Jennings and Larry Black said they are going to blow people’s minds when they unveil their unprecedented “reverse blowjob.”

“We have been experimenting with ‘reverse blowjob theory’ for the past two years of college, and have been scared at times to continue studying and practicing this position,” Jennings said. “However, Larry and I decided to put ourselves at grave risk of serious injury pursuing this goal, and after just four trips to the hospital, we have finally proven that this phenomenon exists.”

Black said the pair first thought of “reverse blowjob theory” while watching a professional basketball game in their dorm room in Bashford Hall, in the cold, hard winter.

“Dave and I were sitting and watching a Lakers-Knicks game, and sometime during the second quarter Kobe Bryant soared for a sick reverse jam,” Black said. “Dave and I looked at each other and exclaimed ‘Reverse blowjob!’ in unison. Things in reverse intrigue us. It is really that simple.”

The pair plans on having perfected the “96,” by this time next year. “96” is, of course, the reverse of the sexual position “69.”

Senior Kyle Trackman and sophomore Jessica Hesterman said they have perfected upside down anal sex.

“The key to upside down anal sex is achieving great balance with your partner, and having great patience in accomplishing insertion,” Trackman said. “After that, it should be smooth sailing after that as long as you’re using lube.”

“We aren’t, by the way,” he added with a wink, followed by making a motion with his arms that is generally known as “raising the roof.”

Senior Lisa Bellington and freshman Nina Yagmizi are “pretty sure someone in the crowd will have their head explode” when they expose their new position.

Bellington and Yagmizi refused to go into much detail about what they will unleash on the crowd, except that the position is titled “Ass to Ass Double Pussy Lick Backflip.”

The annual event takes place in the Gray Chapel auditorium on Friday, April 25th.

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