LONDON—Expressing deep remorse that the English language developed a racial slur several centuries before he was born that his neurological condition is now specifically designed to locate and say at the worst possible moment, Tourette’s campaigner John Davidson issued a formal apology Tuesday for the existence of the N-word.
“I want to sincerely apologize to everyone for the fact that this word is in the vocabulary of every English-speaking person on Earth, including me, a man whose brain involuntarily selects the most forbidden available word in any room and then shouts it without my permission,” said Davidson, adding that he takes full responsibility for not having been born with a more culturally sensitive neurological disorder.
Davidson, whose Tourette’s inspired the BAFTA-nominated film I Swear, blurted out the N-word at this year’s ceremony while two Black actors presented an award.
“I understand that my condition, which works by finding whatever word would cause the most damage in a given situation and then forcing me to say it, should have somehow skipped over the single most powerful word in the American lexicon. That’s on me. I should have prepared my involuntary brain misfirings more thoughtfully.”
At press time, experts confirmed that the best way to eradicate the N-word from our lexicon is to make it more forbidden.
