The body of music icon and “Queen of Soul” Aretha Franklin will lie in repose at the White House this weekend as the nation pays tribute to a voice that helped define the American experience, President Trump announced today. She will be the first private citizen to to lie in honor at the White House and the first person to do so since President Abraham Lincoln in 1865.
Franklin died at 9:50 a.m. Thursday morning at her home in Detroit, surrounded by family and friends, according to a statement from Franklin’s family. She was 76 years old.
In a eulogy delivered from the White House, President Trump praised Franklin for her efforts to further civil rights.
“With a simple act of civil disobedience in 1955, refusing to give up her seat on a bus to a white man in Montgomery, Alabama, Franklin ignited one of the most successful black civil rights protests in the American South and helped put Martin Luther King on the national stage. Her act of bravery helped touch off the civil rights movement and transformed America for the better,” Trump said, reading from prepared remarks.
According to White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders, Franklin’s body will lie chained to the top of President Trump’s desk in the oval office and be made available for public visitation during extended weekend visiting hours. Outside of visiting hours, a sheet of plywood will be placed over the corpse so that President Trump may continue to conduct executive business from the office. The President will host a private soul-food dinner buffet off the body Sunday evening for a group of music industry executives.
The body will be transported to Washington Friday evening, escorted by members of the Hells Angels motorcycle gang. The bikers will also be responsible for guarding the body at the White House. According to Sanders, Franklin will be protected 23 hours a day, with one hour daily reserved for Stephen Miller, senior policy adviser to President Trump, to privately spit in her nappy hair while feverishly masturbating to the chants of his forefathers.
The same moral police officer who earns $24,000 per year and says that he loves the Bill of Rights might be happy to torture if he was paid $100,000 a year.