Local News

Highrise Mausoleum Proposed to Council

A local development company's proposal to build a fifty story mausoleum on the city's east side was formally reviewed for the first time last...

Tornado Almost Hits Ashley

A tornado that was supposed to hit Ashley veered away and hit a neighboring town that nobody really cares about. Ashley resident and carpet...

Dog Debate Divides Schools

There is a growing debate on whether or not the teaching of Canis lupus familiaris, or dogs, should be allowed in public schools. Many...

Wind Destroys Roadside Memorial

High wind gusts destroyed a roadside memorial last night alongside U.S. Route 23. Located across from Delaware's Oak Haven Golf Club, the memorial was...

Assholes Home for Christmas

Dozens of assholes returned to Delaware this year for the holiday season. Some came from college, others from their out-of-state homes, but all returned to...

Results Are In: Cops Still Pricks

A recent polling of 275 local citizens has confirmed yet again that Delaware Police officers are pricks. The poll found that an overwhelming 99% of...

Man Kicked Out of McDonald’s for Wearing Vest Plans to Sue Restaurant

Delaware resident Ryan Dennis, 21, plans to sue McDonald's after he was refused service because he was not wearing a shirt. He was only...

Deer Splits Skull, Saves Life

A deer struck a car early this morning, splitting an old woman's skull and leaving her dead at the scene. Astonishingly, the old woman was...

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Cocaine Lemur: Missing Pet Goes On Drug-Fueled Rampage in Marysville

The saga of the missing red ruffed lemur from...

Revised Short North Curfew Only Applies to Blue-Haired People, Allies

In an announcement that can only be seen as...

Man Jerks Off Into Bucket

A Delaware man is resting today after spending the...

DUI Checkpoints Planned for Columbus Police Parking Lots

The Franklin County DUI Task Force will conduct sobriety...

Columbus Police Unveil Black History Month Cruiser, “AFRICA 1”

The Columbus Police Department has unveiled a special edition...