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Kris Jordan Proposes Animal-Human Hybrid Ban

Animal-human hybrids, who have lived in Ohio safely and free of discrimination for the past 20 years, may have to make another state their...
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Car Totaled In Fatal Accident

A brand new Subaru Impreza, purchased in early 2008 by Bob and Linda Johnson of Powell, was totaled this weekend when their son and...
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Highrise Mausoleum Proposed to Council

A local development company's proposal to build a fifty story mausoleum on the city's east side was formally reviewed for the first time last...
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Tornado Almost Hits Ashley

A tornado that was supposed to hit Ashley veered away and hit a neighboring town that nobody really cares about. Ashley resident and carpet...
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Dog Debate Divides Schools

There is a growing debate on whether or not the teaching of Canis lupus familiaris, or dogs, should be allowed in public schools. Many...
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Wind Destroys Roadside Memorial

High wind gusts destroyed a roadside memorial last night alongside U.S. Route 23. Located across from Delaware's Oak Haven Golf Club, the memorial was...
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Assholes Home for Christmas

Dozens of assholes returned to Delaware this year for the holiday season. Some came from college, others from their out-of-state homes, but all returned to...
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Results Are In: Cops Still Pricks

A recent polling of 275 local citizens has confirmed yet again that Delaware Police officers are pricks. The poll found that an overwhelming 99% of...
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Man Kicked Out of McDonald’s for Wearing Vest Plans to Sue Restaurant

Delaware resident Ryan Dennis, 21, plans to sue McDonald's after he was refused service because he was not wearing a shirt. He was only...
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Deer Splits Skull, Saves Life

A deer struck a car early this morning, splitting an old woman's skull and leaving her dead at the scene. Astonishingly, the old woman was...
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Delaware Ohio News is an online news and content source dedicated to Delaware, Ohio. Founded in the year 1808, we strive to be Delaware's premier news source, second only to the illustrious Delaware Gazette. Although we were the first Delaware, Ohio newspaper, they remain the lords of Delaware news media. That's why we're suicidal and on so many drugs.

With all of that said, everything on this website is made up. Do not rely on anything said here.

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