Joel Sellers, the Delaware man accused of murdering his roommate with a gunshot to the head, granted delawareohionews.com’s Sofa Malone an exclusive interview from his jail cell on Sunday, April 17.
Sellers’ attorney, Phillip Hostings, gave the alleged gunman permission to disclose any information he pleased, saying that there was “no way he could make himself appear more guilty than he already does.”
Malone: So, how is life in Delaware County Jail?
Sellers: You know, it’s been a pretty cool thing. I’ve been able to chill down with a lot of buddies that I haven’t seen in months, and the food is free, which is baller. I’ve also been able to get plenty of runnin’ around and shit done, and I finally started reading George W. Bush’s “talk about my life book,” Decision Points. My teachers in high school were always yelling at me to try new things and visit new places or some dumb shit, and well, I guess I finally made those motherfuckers happy. I’ve never shot a person in the head, and I’ve never been to jail. I was able to check off both of those two goals on my “to do” sheet on March 14. It’s a badass feeling.
Malone: How have your family and friends reacted to your incarceration?
Sellers: Everyone has been really cool about it, ya heard? My girlfriend promised that she would only think about me when she was bonin’ other guys while I’m living here and said she would look after my Xbox 360. My parents told me they would still tell people that they have a son, but wouldn’t be talking to me much anymore, which is nice of them. All my buddies in my gun club have sent really ballin’ letters to me the past few weeks, telling me to “stay second amendment,” and changing the official slogan of the club to “Guns don’t kill people, Joel Sellers kills people”. (Laughs). Those guys are a riot. I’m hoping one of them will move in with me here soon! But who would want to be my roommate right? (Laughs, slaps reporter on back).
Malone: Take me through what happened on the day of the incident.
Sellers: Ok, so get this. I’ve been living with this motherfucker for like, six months, and he spent at least three of those months on the toilet. No joke. Every time I looked up from my latest issue of Guns and Ammo, or whatever, his ass would be on the john. I confronted him about it in February, and he was like, “So what, I poop a lot,” and I was like, “I paid for that toilet seat, and I don’t want your stupid ass all over it all the time!” It was cool the rest of the month, he did about half of his shitting at Clancey’s or whatever. Then, for two weeks straight in March, he started dropping deuces like he’s Kobe Bryant or something. On March 14, I snapped. I was playing Call of Duty Black Ops and that asshole had been sitting on the toilet for like, four straight matches. I slammed my controller down, after I was done winning the match of course, and walked down the hall and kicked down the bathroom door. I was like, “Get the fuck off the toilet you stupid dumbass shitfuck!” He tried to say some shit like he had Taco Bell earlier, but I had heard that horseshit a million times before. I shoved him down the hallway and into the living room with his pants around his ankles, and grabbed my handgun off the coffee table. I blacked out for a moment because I was so pissed off, and the next thing I know my roommate is bleeding from his head and everyone in the room is screaming and crying. Then I thought to myself… I should probably just chill out and see what happens next.
Malone: So do you feel any remorse for your actions?
Sellers: Well, maybe a little. As I said before, I’m glad I was able to have these new life experiences. I do feel bad that my former roommate is dead, but you know, that’s just life, you know what I’m sayin’? I wanted to go to the funeral, but the people here told me I had to stay, for some reason. That is the one problem I have with living in this new apartment. The landlords are all sayin’ the shit you do has to be in your room, or somewhere on this property, with their permission. They also wouldn’t let me bring any of my guns in here, which is fuckin’ gay. Oh well. I guess everybody needs to get used to the rules set by their new roommates and landlords, so I guess I can’t talk too much shit.
Malone: What do you think when people say things like, “Joel Sellers is a stupid white trash douchebag who deserves to be raped in jail”?
Sellers: Well, I usually think to myself, “What are these motherfuckers talking about?” I mean, I’m dumb as spit, but I don’t think I should have to be raped in jail. I get being called white trash, and a douchbag, because that’s what my family, friends, and basically anyone who knows me has been calling me for years. But fuck all that other shit! Ain’t nobody gettin’ raped no time soon!
Malone: What is your outlook for the future?
Sellers: I definitely have an outlook, you know? And I can see different things happening. So I would say my outlook is long. Really long, and deep. I would like to think I have a deep outlook. Deeper and better than most people would expect me to have. Much better. And cool. I have a really cool outlook for the future.
Malone: Is there anything else you would like to share with the community?
Sellers: They don’t have a TV Guide in here. Which is fuckin’ retarded. There’s no way I’m gonna have time to go through every channel to find out what the hell is on. If anyone wants to send me something, please make it a TV Guide so I don’t feel like such a dumbass flipping through all the channels.