Joel Sellers' life behind bars sucks pretty bad

Joel Sellers, the Delaware man accused of murdering his roommate with a gunshot to the head, granted delawareohionews.com’s Sofa Malone an exclusive interview from his jail cell on Sunday, April 17.

Sellers’ attorney, Phillip Hostings, gave the alleged gunman permission to disclose any information he pleased, saying that there was “no way he could make himself appear more guilty than he already does.”

Malone: So, how is life in Delaware County Jail?

Sellers: You know, it’s been a pretty cool thing. I’ve been able to chill down with a lot of buddies that I haven’t seen in months, and the food is free, which is baller. I’ve also been able to get plenty of runnin’ around and shit done, and I finally started reading George W. Bush’s “talk about my life book,” Decision Points. My teachers in high school were always yelling at me to try new things and visit new places or some dumb shit, and well, I guess I finally made those motherfuckers happy. I’ve never shot a person in the head, and I’ve never been to jail. I was able to check off both of those two goals on my “to do” sheet on March 14. It’s a badass feeling.

Malone: How have your family and friends reacted to your incarceration?

Sellers: Everyone has been really cool about it, ya heard? My girlfriend promised that she would only think about me when she was bonin’ other guys while I’m living here and said she would look after my Xbox 360. My parents told me they would still tell people that they have a son, but wouldn’t be talking to me much anymore, which is nice of them. All my buddies in my gun club have sent really ballin’ letters to me the past few weeks, telling me to “stay second amendment,” and changing the official slogan of the club to “Guns don’t kill people, Joel Sellers kills people”. (Laughs). Those guys are a riot. I’m hoping one of them will move in with me here soon! But who would want to be my roommate right? (Laughs, slaps reporter on back).

Malone: Take me through what happened on the day of the incident.

Sellers: Ok, so get this. I’ve been living with this motherfucker for like, six months, and he spent at least three of those months on the toilet. No joke. Every time I looked up from my latest issue of Guns and Ammo, or whatever, his ass would be on the john. I confronted him about it in February, and he was like, “So what, I poop a lot,” and I was like, “I paid for that toilet seat, and I don’t want your stupid ass all over it all the time!” It was cool the rest of the month, he did about half of his shitting at Clancey’s or whatever. Then, for two weeks straight in March, he started dropping deuces like he’s Kobe Bryant or something. On March 14, I snapped. I was playing Call of Duty Black Ops and that asshole had been sitting on the toilet for like, four straight matches. I slammed my controller down, after I was done winning the match of course, and walked down the hall and kicked down the bathroom door. I was like, “Get the fuck off the toilet you stupid dumbass shitfuck!” He tried to say some shit like he had Taco Bell earlier, but I had heard that horseshit a million times before. I shoved him down the hallway and into the living room with his pants around his ankles, and grabbed my handgun off the coffee table. I blacked out for a moment because I was so pissed off, and the next thing I know my roommate is bleeding from his head and everyone in the room is screaming and crying. Then I thought to myself… I should probably just chill out and see what happens next.

Malone: So do you feel any remorse for your actions?

Sellers: Well, maybe a little. As I said before, I’m glad I was able to have these new life experiences. I do feel bad that my former roommate is dead, but you know, that’s just life, you know what I’m sayin’? I wanted to go to the funeral, but the people here told me I had to stay, for some reason. That is the one problem I have with living in this new apartment. The landlords are all sayin’ the shit you do has to be in your room, or somewhere on this property, with their permission. They also wouldn’t let me bring any of my guns in here, which is fuckin’ gay. Oh well. I guess everybody needs to get used to the rules set by their new roommates and landlords, so I guess I can’t talk too much shit.

Malone: What do you think when people say things like, “Joel Sellers is a stupid white trash douchebag who deserves to be raped in jail”?

Sellers: Well, I usually think to myself, “What are these motherfuckers talking about?” I mean, I’m dumb as spit, but I don’t think I should have to be raped in jail. I get being called white trash, and a douchbag, because that’s what my family, friends, and basically anyone who knows me has been calling me for years. But fuck all that other shit! Ain’t nobody gettin’ raped no time soon!

Malone: What is your outlook for the future?

Sellers: I definitely have an outlook, you know? And I can see different things happening. So I would say my outlook is long. Really long, and deep. I would like to think I have a deep outlook. Deeper and better than most people would expect me to have. Much better. And cool. I have a really cool outlook for the future.

Malone: Is there anything else you would like to share with the community?

Sellers: They don’t have a TV Guide in here. Which is fuckin’ retarded. There’s no way I’m gonna have time to go through every channel to find out what the hell is on. If anyone wants to send me something, please make it a TV Guide so I don’t feel like such a dumbass flipping through all the channels.

24 COMMENTS

  1. I believe his! There really are people that ignorant. They think they are above us. “The food is free, so that’s a baller”. We should fumigate him like the roach he is

  2. Dude get a life. Joel is my husbands best friend and you have to go through his mom to even get to visit him. You acually get people to believe this crap? Why dont you acually do real interviews, and wright real facts.

  3. This is fake. Joel would never say things like that. He was a good friend of mine through middle school and high school. This is not him saying this. It was a freak accident. I’m truely Sry it happened but it wasn’t international to kill. Get a life

  4. ive known joel since grade school. we were the best of friends, hung out EVERYDAY! this is so FAKE!!!!!!!… for one the “sayings” that you are saying he says like “baller”.. he has never talked like that and “his girlfriend?” HE IS MARRIED!!!… im so disappointed to read something like this, it makes me sick! this was a freak accident that happened and i know if given a day where Joel could take it back he would. shot somebody over using the bathroom?… do you feel good about yourself as a so called reporter to make something so stupid and unbelievable up?! this is something that joel has to live with the rest of his life, i know he isnt proud of it. and his family would NEVER stop talking with there son they arent like that. i cant believe you would post something so embarrassing for yourself because everyone that knows joel, knows this isnt him that your putting off to be!!…

  5. Wait, you ignorant fools really can’t recognize satire? You seriously thought this was being distributed as factual? No wonder this guy fucked up so badly! He was surrounded by morons! The killing wasn’t “international” eh?

  6. I dated Joel in the past and for the life of me I can never imagine that he would say such things and that he would be this nonchalant about killing someone. However with that being said he was in the military and he did go over seas so he just may have PTSD and that could be a huge factor. I just don’t know what to say here or how to feel, the Joel that I know would never speak like that or be that emotionless about such a serious charge. But versuses exploiting a man who committed a crime why don’t we let the family of both sides recover from this and not have to read this shit in here. As a wife myself regardless of how messed up my husband was this is not the type of thing I would want to have to read. And I am sure that the family of the victims don’t want to read this either, they don’t need to see their son’s killer portrayed as a heartless man who says shit like ” Thats life” when asked how he feels about killing someone!!! This is a tragedy and my heart goes out to both families. I just hope Joel gets the help he needs cause he is a really good guy, who did a bad thing!!

  7. I love how everyone who claims to know this killer actually only “knew” him as an adolescent. Hello!? Children WOULDN’T say these things, but cold-hearted murderers would. People change when they become adults and especially ex-military. They witness (and live in) some of the most gruesome, dismal, and adverse conditions we civilians couldn’t imagine enduring. These life-changing experiences truly complicates the human thought process. I mean lets be real here people, if he was irrational enough to actually shoot another human being in the head for whatever reason (and one he claimed to have been good enough friends with to cohabit), then he could very easily still have this same callous attitude ABOUT the murder. You don’t just gain empathy overnight for another life after taking it away. This story may be fake, I’m not claiming it’s entity, because like the rest of you, I don’t know this person and most certainly was not present for the interview. I can, however, say that I highly doubt Mr. Malone would jeopardize his career for slander/defamation…

  8. Hey, I don’t who you are or where you are from but i would love to run into you or one of your co-signing fucks and show you how serious people take shit spoof or not take this dumb ass shit off fuck boy!

  9. This is TRASH, and actually under the law LIBEL! For those that have commented without looking at the “disclosure” at the bottom of the webpage, you really should be more careful what you believe. No such interview took place, and the absolute lies this idiot is posting are gregarious and sickening. An investigation should be pursued and a defamation and libel suit filed. I might try to contact the family and ask them to allow me to represent them. No retainer. I’m sure that both families have enough to deal with at this time, and the words contained within this website only compile their pain and suffering. My legal advice to you “Sofa Malone” is to take down this ludicrous charade and attempt at journalism, before you find yourself being the one “interviewed”.

  10. Wow If I was Joel, I would be highly inclined to sue the pants off ALL the idiots behind this crap. Im reading this like WTF he would NEVER say shit like that…ASSHOLES!!

  11. It isn’t libel, idiot. You would have to prove this has had a negative impact on his reputation. And guess what? The fuck murdered someone and did the damage himself. No jury anywhere would give a fuck about this, especially not in Delaware. Go eat shit and fuck yourself.

  12. Justice, Joel also thrust himself into the public spotlight with his actions, and in doing so became a public figure in Delaware. Thus, this isn’t libel. Please cease practicing law because you are an absolute idiot.

  13. As an FYI to Justice concerning his egregious vocabulary. gre·gar·i·ous/griˈge(ə)rēəs/ Adjective: (of a person) Fond of company; sociable. (of animals) Living in flocks or loosely organized communities. ——————————— Justice, please do not make threats on this thread anymore. You are not an attorney. You are an idiot. Feeling pretty cool now?

  14. Look fuck boy u must be a homosexual any one who knows me knows there is not a queer bone in my body. they also know what the fuck will happen when I see u. look for attention in other places or be a man and post ur real info bitch. only a small town stooge would spend time on small town drama so this is as far as your little journalism bullshit will make it! laugh now and post more lame shit but I will come across u some day!

  15. Wow kelly you just said people change when they are in the military? Those people you are talking about serve the country you live in and put there life on the line so your fat ass can sit at home on the couch watching the view and eating bob bone. Maybe you should think before you speak and also think about sacrifices people have made. I do know joel does not feel the way he is portrayed in this supposed interview what happened is traffic and so is your outlook on things

  16. i just read what happen on the day when joel killed george and i had a really had time reading what he had to say how how could u shoot some one cause u didnt like them for using the bath room all the time and kick him down george didnt do any thing wrong to derves this joel need help to but him on meds and get real help if he couldnt of just talk to george and told him how he really felt instead of murder i wonderful person and a good friend like geogre joel took that away he derver to die if u ask me this is the sadest story i have ever heard to killed some onejust becasue u use the bathroom to much where is the justice in this i wil never no all i no is ill be scared to death when they let joel seller out of jail and i bet every one eles will be to and if joel sellers can murder so one in cold blood what makes u think he wont kill a again

  17. All you retards need to go defend Casey Anthony or something and stop crying about this SATIRE.
    “Bah bah bah I’m a white knight and I have to defend MURDERERS because MURDERERS don’t have anyone and they need friends too. That way when I become a MURDERER someone will come defend me for MURDERING.”

  18. seriously funny, i mean totally lucky guy to have his girl “promise” that she’ll only think of him while taking it from other guys lmfaorotflmfao

  19. seriously funny, i mean totally lucky guy to have his girl “promise” that she’ll only think of him while taking it from other guys lmfaorotflmfao

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here