Car Totaled In Fatal Accident

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A brand new Subaru Impreza, purchased in early 2008 by Bob and Linda Johnson of Powell, was totaled this weekend when their son and daughter wrecked it in a fatal accident.

“It is so dispiriting… I don’t know what I’m going to do,” L. Johnson said, mourning the loss of her favorite vehicle. “I’m going to walk to work for at least a week. It’s much too early to think about replacing her. We were close.”

The car, called “Heidi” by the couple, had only 5,000 miles on it and was decked out with awesome features such as an Xbox 360 and a hot plate in the back seat.

“Heidi’s death has been completely overwhelming… she was so young and innocent, ” B. Johnson said. “I can’t believe I let my dumbass kids try to drive her to Polaris.”

The accident occurred on State Route 315, about two miles South of Hard Road, where the car was found flipped over on its side. Police are still investigating possible causes for the accident.

“There are several reasons this accident could have happened, so it’s hard to say exactly what transpired,” said Delaware police Chief Al Macon, “The driver could have been rocking out too hard to the state-of-the-art sound system, they may have been way too comfortable in those sleek leather seats, they may have been distracted by the badass plasma screen TV in the back, or… they may have been making out or something.”

“Incest happens,” Macon added.

The car was purchased from Byers Subaru in January. Car salesman Tony Gordon said he remembered how excited the Johnson’s were when they purchased the vehicle as a baby.

“I remember Mr. Johnson started crying when I told him about the electronic throttle control and the double wishbone rear suspension with upper A-arm,” Gordon said. “It’s a shame that all of those great parts had to be ruined. At least they are in a better place.”

The Johnson’s said they plan on having a memorial service for Heidi sometime this month.

“We are going to invite everyone who had the opportunity to take a ride in that amazing car,” B. Johnson said. “We will use Heidi’s hot plate to cook up some grilled cheese sandwiches, and tell stories of all the great times we’ve had in and around her.”

“I remember one time… it must have been the second month we had her… we took her all the way to Florida for a great family vacation,” L. Johnson said. “It’s too bad Heidi’s gone…we will never have another car like her.”

The Johnson’s two biological children, both seniors at Olentangy Liberty High School, were also killed in the accident. Funeral arrangements will be announced later this week.

Sofa Malone
Sofa Malone
Delaware Ohio News Editor-in-Chief. Connect with Sofa via the Delaware Ohio News Facebook Page:


  1. This is the most bizarre thing I’ve ever read. Weird facts. It’s like something from the Twilight zone! Whoever wrote this is in the wrong business!


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