Delaware Middle School Student Calls Off Thursday’s School Shooting

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Creepy East side eight grader Johnny Wacky has called off a school shooting he had planned for Thursday, August 22nd at Dempsey Middle School in Delaware.

“My mom locked up all the god damn guns,” Wacky reported on his blog, Life is Dumb and I Might be Gay

According to those familiar with Wacky, he has what it takes to be the first school shooter in Delaware’s history.

“He grew up on the East side, has a Trumpian father, started drinking when he was 8, masturbates to boy’s butts but complains he can’t get a girlfriend, lives on his phone, eats spaghetti in the bathtub—all the signs are there,” said Dempsey school counselor Margaret Meter. “I wish there was something I could do for him, but he’s destined to put a bullet in my skull.”

Ricardo Paye
Ricardo Paye
Ricardo Paye is a Senior Correspondent with Delaware Ohio News. Born and raised in the Delaware County Fairgrounds, he's a reporter with a deep knowledge of the streets who isn't afraid to ask tough questions. His fondest childhood memory is getting a hand job from a public utility worker in the basement of Pilsner's 5 & Dime store. He holds a bachelor's degree in Euthanasia from Ohio Wesleyan University.


  1. What kind of person blogs about a school shooting? A school that my son attends!! I will take anything you seriously when your profile no longer says that you have sex with many woman. Get a damn life and don’t make fun of kids you sick twisted sob

      • If it was directed to any other school your cold heartless soul would not give it any thought I have 32 kids that attend my class at this particular school and I give this article no thought because of the fact the author is protected under our first amendment! I’m an American 1st and a teacher 2nd and you are an individual with communism ideologies!

    • Please calm down and do something constructive. Like cleaning the house of making a sandwich for your husband. Don’t be part of the nation of whiners.

    • 1st amendment FREEDOM Of SPEECH maybe you should look into that lol like this is w police matter to begin with your life is sick and of poor taste so please take it down or it will be reported to the Delaware pd lmao

  2. To those who left comments about How this is ignorant or “poor taste” are idiots for even wasting Your time reading this article and to “Tim” nice try on threatening to report this to Delaware city police they have bigger things to do like circle clancys bar 8 tines an hour on the weekends or just simply wasting our tax dollars there are way to many city police for a town of this size the calls they get are simply ridiculous and you sir will become one of those statistics! I’m sure your worried about your guns being taken away bc Obama was elected but here you are trying to take away the freedom of speech this article is non threatening so good luck trying to bend our constitution to fit your needs

    • Um, how is a posting on a satirical, fake news website about a child who is not real and a plot which obviously never existed in any way related to making an actual, real-life threat against a President?

  3. I am glad he called this off. This is too close to home. I am glad your crack staff got a picture of this young man in his element. Someone told me he was peeing behind the gun store in Norton after being ask to leave, my source tells me he was trying to buy bullets with change. Lucky for the kids at school there are media outlets will to take on this potentially explosive situations. Besides, can you imagine the traffic tie ups getting around the school if this did happen, that is my beer route.

  4. Wtf my lil sis goes ther… this kids needs some serious love n help!!! Hope his last day was the last!! Tf lil kids these dayz r so curropted! Smdh

  5. The person who made this story is just a narcissistic douche bag looking for attention. Dont give him the sadistic arousment folks.

  6. Once upon a time, there lived a mouse. This particular mouse had a special talent. He was particularly skilled at waffle spinning. Over time, he became quite proficient at waffle spinning trickshots, which landed him interviews with some of the most well-known nightly talk show hosts where he would perform to the crowd’s delight. He then went on to bigger things. A movie was made about him, as well as several series of novellas featuring tales of his amazingness being written by some of the world’s most premier authors. The Queen of Titicaca as well as the Prime Minister of Dollar Tree even gave him medals of honor. But the end came too soon for our friend the mouse. You see, one day he was spinning his waffles in preparation for a non-profit charity event, when Peter Pan entered his home, exclaiming “Tis I, the tight green pants wearing feather mucher! Relinquish thine Pee-Wee’s Playhouse VHS set, or be forever vanquished!”. The mouse was so into his act, he did not hear nor see the intruder. The bandit Pan, angered by being ignored, proceeded to flog the mouse severely about the head and neck with a wet pool noodle until his heart beat no more. The moral of the story: Don’t spin waffles. Or you will die.



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