Teen finger-banging was down 11% city-wide in April, according to a recent poll. Experts speculate that evolution may have played a part in this sudden and sharp decline.

“We think teens are just figuring out that ‘dick-banging’ is way cooler and more fun for all parties involved,” explained OWU Evolution & Ecology professor, Dr. Pimento.

A related poll shows a 38% increase in teen pregnancies during the same period.


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