In-Brief: Delaware Police Department Begs For Attention With New Gaudy SUV

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The Delaware Police Department’s brand new, $50,000 dip-shit mobile debuted on the streets of Delaware today.

According to Police Chief Russell Martin, the bold design is meant to give officers more pride in their work, and to ensure they’re noticed when sitting in parking lots discussing how worthless they are.

Captain Jenokowski, the first officer to drive the truck, said the attention felt great.

“Sometimes I get noticed for being a fat slob, but today I was noticed for being a dickhead cop driving a completely unnecessary sport utility vehicle,” Jenokowski said. “It was awesome. Setting up our Easter Sunday speed trap in this bad boy made me feel like a real man.”

Ricardo Paye
Ricardo Paye
Ricardo Paye is a Senior Correspondent with Delaware Ohio News. Born and raised in the Delaware County Fairgrounds, he's a reporter with a deep knowledge of the streets who isn't afraid to ask tough questions. His fondest childhood memory is getting a hand job from a public utility worker in the basement of Pilsner's 5 & Dime store. He holds a bachelor's degree in Euthanasia from Ohio Wesleyan University.

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