Masturbation Hero Wins Top Prize

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Seniors at the Delaware Area Career Center won first place at the Ohio Academy Technical Competition this weekend. They were rewarded for their impressive creation of the game Masturbation Hero, a spoof on the popular video game Guitar Hero.

The game, which allows players to simulate masturbation in a video game format, comes complete with male and female groin attachments, towels, lubrication, and a copy of Masturbation for Dummies.

Composed of Seniors Rick George, Lucas Reynolds, Ryan Morgan and Chester Fydel, the team is the first in the school’s history to win the competition. Work on the project began several years ago when the team members were sophomores.

“I’ve never been able to simulate something so personal,” said Team Captain Rick George, “That’s what makes this game so impressive to me.”

The new technology, which allows for real-time vibration and sound effects, is equally impressive. With the team’s new groin attachment and sound effects that can simulate between your girlfriend, your mom, and Whitney Houston, it is clear that they are on their way to standing out in the artificial masturbation movement.

“We’re really just trying to jump ahead of the previous technology,” explained team member Ryan Morgan. “All of my other masturbation games required me to stick my dick in a VCR. The last time I did that, my dick got caught in my Little Mermaid tape.”

The popularity of the game is slowly growing with the pre-pubescent crowd, a demographic chosen by the team to begin testing the game’s commercial viability.

“Thirty percent of our under-age testers said that it really helped them masturbate for the first time,” Morgan continued.

Team member Chester Fydel said it was important to make the game appeal to both males and females, young and old.

“We have groin attachment controllers in order to accommodate both male and female users of all sizes,” Fydel said. “We really think this game will be fun for the entire family.”

Fydel said the female groin attachment is basically a technologically advanced dildo, which comes in three sizes: Chinese, white, and black. There are sensors all over the dildo that determine how effectively the girl or woman is pleasing herself. The score goes from 0-100 on the screen, depending on speed, movement variation, and wetness level. If you get 100 points, the dildo shoots out fake semen.

“The game is just a bunch of different kinds of pornographic videos with a score in the top right,” Fydel said. “The different types of videos are like different levels. You start out on an easy level, with good looking people getting it on, but then it progresses toward some pretty sick shit. Level 67 is watching an obese man cut his dick off while dropping a deuce in a really nasty outhouse.”

The male groin attachment is a fake vagina that also judges speed and variation. The difference is that it gets wetter as the performance improves.

“I love the Siamese twin gang bang level the best,” said team member Lucas Reynolds. “I always kick my buddy Dave’s ass on that one.”

The game allows for one to four players. Consumers can expect to see the game on the market in early December 2012.

Sofa Malone
Sofa Malone
Delaware Ohio News Editor-in-Chief. Connect with Sofa via the Delaware Ohio News Facebook Page:



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