The saga of the missing red ruffed lemur from Delaware County has taken a troubling turn. Iris, the two-year-old pet lemur who disappeared two weeks ago, is reportedly wreaking havoc in Union County after consuming a large quantity of cocaine and crystal methamphetamine.
The region is known for a significant presence of cartel-operated warehouses, leading to an abundant supply of both substances. As a result, it has earned the area an unsavory reputation among locals, with Union County often dubbed “Using County” and “Daddy Go Crazy Land.”
A resident of Marysville, Joan Jorgenson, witnessed the lemur’s unusual behavior on North Maple Street past 3 p.m. on Friday. She recounts seeing Iris sprinting down the street, clutching plastic baggies in both hands. The lemur then scaled a tree, emptied the contents of both baggies into her mouth, and let out an ear-piercing shriek before descending into a frenzy, smashing her head repeatedly against the tree trunk.
Following her tree ordeal, Iris scaled a nearby building and disappeared from view. Jorgenson called the police, who found evidence of drug residue in both baggies.
Since this terrifying encounter, there has been an uptick in reports from residents detailing violent and bizarre interactions with the lemur. A local man, Johnny Appleseed, reported the lemur ringing his doorbell, scampering around his porch, and peering into his windows suspiciously. A separate incident involved a woman claiming Iris assaulted her at a self-storage facility and defecated on her vintage mannequin collection.
“It was a continual stream of poop for at least sixty seconds,” the woman said. “She maintained direct eye contact with me the entire time. Then she tried to rip my face off.”
Yet another woman says the lemur cornered her in a parking lot and asked for five dollars.
Local police have dubbed Iris “Cocaine Lemur” in light of her drug-fueled escapades. They encourage residents to stay calm and report further sightings.
