Crime

Jack Hanna Resigns Zoo Post Amid Animal Sex Scandal

NOTICE: THIS IS A JOKE! This content isn't real. It is a satirical parody written in 2012 after the Jim Tressel scandal at Ohio...

Cat Plot Worries Community

A group of orphaned felines banded together this weekend in an attempt to overrun Hoggy's Restaurant and control the city's tuna supply. The plan...

Man Lets Dog Drive Drunk

Delaware resident Jacob Turhole was arrested for animal endangerment after his dog was pulled over in his truck. The dog was driving, while Turhole...

Happy Man Taken In For Questioning

Delaware Police officers arrested a man late last night on suspicion of reckless happiness. Craig Robertson, a 42 year old machinist from Akron, was seen...

Bunched Panties Cause Domestic Dispute

Delaware Police responded to a call of domestic violence at 145 Franklin Street yesterday, the home of Julie and Scott Ramsey. Mr. Ramsey, according to...

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Prosecutor Claims Judge Schuck Violated Her Via LinkedIn

DELAWARE, Ohio — Describing what she called a devastating...

Downtown Delaware Ghost Sign Finalists

Downtown Delaware has been working to restore several ghost...

Punch the Monkey Killed in Israeli Airstrike

ICHIKAWA, JAPAN—Describing the seven-month-old Japanese macaque as a growing...

Prosecutor’s Office Requires Judges to Schedule Blowjobs

DELAWARE, OH—Claiming that a local judge's routine visits to...

Jim Schuck: ‘I Became a Judge to Get Pussy’

By Judge James P. Schuck, Delaware County Common Pleas...