Delaware Shooting: Drunk Man Targeted Teens Who Laughed at Him

Share This Post

An angry drunk psycho shot at a group of teens in his backyard Friday night after they allegedly laughed at him for being an angry drunk psycho. 

The man told Delaware police that he was halfway through a bottle of Jack Daniels when he saw neighborhood kids walk through his backyard. When he stumbled outside to confront them, he was told to take his little drunk penis back inside and sleep.

Enraged, the man charged the teens but tripped on his steps and fell into the grass. The teens then began laughing and throwing chicken nuggets at him. Some of the nuggets were dipped in sauce.

The man pulled a gun and started screaming, “Enjoy your chickie nugs in hell, you little woke cunts!” and shot 15 rounds into his lawn. 

The teens ran, and the man called the police, stating that he had just fired shots at armed individuals in his backyard. 

Law enforcement responded with the Delaware Tactical Unit, the Ohio State Highway Patrol Aviation Unit, and the Delaware Police Department Drone Team and searched the area for 12 hours. No one was located, and there were no injuries. 24 chicken nuggets were recovered.

“We could tell the man was drunk, but he’s a militiaman and insurrectionist, and those guys are generally pretty trustworthy. We believed his story even though he was covered in barbeque sauce,” said Delaware Police captain Zack Derpyderpster. “Alcoholic militiamen are some of the most stable and sane people we have in our community, so when they’re out shooting their guns into the grass at 10 pm on a weekday evening in one of the safest neighborhoods in one of the safest cities in one of the safest counties in the state, there’s generally a good reason for it.”

An anonymous source within the Delaware Police Department said it was an opportunity to use a lot of their expensive gear in a low-stakes situation. 

“This is the kind of situation law enforcement lives for,” the source said. “There is no real threat, but nobody knows that but us, so we get to put on the whole show and play pretend for a few hours. It’s pretty badass. We have an infrared drone, for christ’s sake. It can see tits!”

Police say no charges are expected and they hope this happens again soon. 

Ricardo Paye
Ricardo Paye
Ricardo Paye is a Senior Correspondent with Delaware Ohio News. Born and raised in the Delaware County Fairgrounds, he's a reporter with a deep knowledge of the streets who isn't afraid to ask tough questions. His fondest childhood memory is getting a hand job from a public utility worker in the basement of Pilsner's 5 & Dime store. He holds a bachelor's degree in Euthanasia from Ohio Wesleyan University.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Related Posts

Cocaine Lemur: Missing Pet Goes On Drug-Fueled Rampage in Marysville

The saga of the missing red ruffed lemur from...

Revised Short North Curfew Only Applies to Blue-Haired People, Allies

In an announcement that can only be seen as...

Man Jerks Off Into Bucket

A Delaware man is resting today after spending the...

DUI Checkpoints Planned for Columbus Police Parking Lots

The Franklin County DUI Task Force will conduct sobriety...

Columbus Police Unveil Black History Month Cruiser, “AFRICA 1”

The Columbus Police Department has unveiled a special edition...

Antifa Protesters Disrupt Event at Ohio Wesleyan University

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2ZYvqUNQAc Video obtained by Delaware Ohio News shows Antifa protesters...

Subscribe to Stay in the Loop