Delaware Police are urging calm after a fatal shooting Thursday evening that left one person dead and another in custody.

Officers say they expect to see an increase in murders this year and that everyone should relax.

“We didn’t predict this specific murder per se, but we knew people were going to be killed in Delaware this year. This is just the start,” said Lieutenant Charlie Husker. “It’s one of those things you can just feel as a cop. But we’re ready. Chances are, if you’re white and happy, you won’t be impacted. We suggest everyone just sit back and let us do our jobs.”

Others in local law enforcement say it’s more than just a feeling.

“It’s all in the data,” explained Delaware City Police Chief Pigeon Housekey, pulling up an iPad and searching for pictures of bar charts on Google. “The more drug addicts, the more theft. The more alcoholics, the more assaults. The more photographers posting on local Facebook groups, the more violent homicides.”

Housekey believes the trend has something to do with people realizing their lives will never amount to anything and that nothing fucking matters.

“People think, ‘Maybe I should buy that car…or shoot that person I hate,'” he said with a shrug, briefly eyeing his service weapon and subtly licking his lips before catching himself and smiling toward the doorway.

According to Housekey, time spent online interacting with politically charged content, fake news, and charming photography ultimately results in an angrier, more aggressive society.

Despite the ongoing opioid epidemic and a record number of drug overdoses being reported in 2017, police maintain the increase in violence has its roots in other causes.

“This has nothing to do with drugs,” he explained. “What I’m describing has to do with how people feel about themselves and their quality of life. One has nothing to do with the other.”


  1. Why didn’t Delaware County prosecutors follow through with the grand jury indictment of Wesley Hadsell in 2005? He killed a kid in Virginia in 2015, when he should have been in prison.

    He pled guilty to bank robbery in 2005 after the Delaware county grand jury indictment for rape, kidnapping, and assault. He served 4 1/2 years federal time. Delaware county never prosecuted him until 2016.

    He got out of prison in 2010 and started living with my kids and their mom right out of prison.

    That ended in him murdering my oldest daughter.

    Yet no one has acknowledged any wrong doing. News reporters haven’t said anything.


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