Sofa Malone

Delaware Ohio News Editor-in-Chief. Connect with Sofa via the Delaware Ohio News Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/delawareohionews.

Atheist Manages To Quit Drinking

Rob Stoney, 34, quit drinking alcohol one year ago today, and said he has his life back on track. He moved back in with...

Facebook Fetus Pictures Cause National Epidemic

In the past year, there has been an alarming increase in otherwise healthy American citizens entering hospitals complaining of random outbursts of uncontrollable projectile...

Delaware Police Department Suspected Of Doing Police Work

After decades of treating bar fights like national security emergencies and sending multiple cruisers to routine traffic stops, new evidence shows that Delaware police...

Councilwoman Fighting To Cement Brighter Future For Roadkill Victims

Five hundred sixty and a half corpses have been removed from Delaware City roads in the first half of 2011, prompting a surge of...

Kris Jordan Proposes Animal-Human Hybrid Ban

Animal-human hybrids, who have lived in Ohio safely and free of discrimination for the past 20 years, may have to make another state their...

Delaware Doctor Successfully Aborts One Twin

Delaware, Ohio based abortionist Carl Dostoevsky successfully aborted one of two Siamese twins yesterday at Grady Hospital, dissolving the tiresome question of what to...

Car Totaled In Fatal Accident

A brand new Subaru Impreza, purchased in early 2008 by Bob and Linda Johnson of Powell, was totaled this weekend when their son and...

Masturbation Hero Wins Top Prize

Seniors at the Delaware Area Career Center won first place at the Ohio Academy Technical Competition this weekend. They were rewarded for their impressive...

Tornado Almost Hits Ashley

A tornado that was supposed to hit Ashley veered away and hit a neighboring town that nobody really cares about. Ashley resident and carpet...

Dog Debate Divides Schools

There is a growing debate on whether or not the teaching of Canis lupus familiaris, or dogs, should be allowed in public schools. Many...

Memorable Quotes: Vests Are Awesome

"Vests are awesome, and so am I. I have no doubt that I will come out on top, and fuck lots of bitches after...

90% Hope God Is White

Ninety percent of Delaware County residents hope God is white, according to a recent survey. The survey results received a largely positive reaction from the...

Popular

New Housing Development Approved for Mingo Park

The Delaware Planning Commission has approved Manifest Destiny Fields,...

Volunteers Needed to Rake Leaves at Blue Limestone Park

To combat the unsightly side of autumn, the City...

Ignore That Drunk Man With Machete

A hammered drunk man wielding a machete is wandering...

What is a Dead Rat’s Midget’s Anus?

Ah, a question as old as time. Let us...

Health Dept: Please Don’t Copulate on Mattress Behind Kroger

The Delaware Public Health District has asked residents not...