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Sofa Malone

Delaware Ohio News Editor-in-Chief. Connect with Sofa via the Delaware Ohio News Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/delawareohionews.
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Local News

NRA and Ohio Governor John Kasich Aim to Arm Students, Teachers

Ohio teachers and students would be required to carry a state issued handgun or assault rifle under a proposed law introduced by Ohio Governor...
Local News

Dead and Injured Horse Auction Draws Crowds, Protesters to Fairgrounds

Every November, people looking to unload or stock up on their supply of dead and injured horses gallop to the Delaware County Fairgrounds. For auction...
National News

Obama Misses Friend’s Wedding, Apologizes with Massive Drone Strike on Reception

President Barack Obama missed his good friend Al Kada's wedding last weekend, and has apologized the only way the president knows how; with unbridled...
Crime

Delaware Man Taken into Police Custody After Forgetting 9/11

Delaware man Yancey Glurglebottom was taken into police custody early Tuesday morning after local police discovered he had completely forgotten about the events of...
Faith & Values

Couples Turn to Simulated Rape in Lieu of Contraception

Hundreds of couples across central Ohio and thousands across the nation have embraced simulated rape in order to prevent pregnancy, according to a recent...
Crime

Delaware Man Arrested for Taking Rocket Launcher into ‘Hope Springs’

Delaware resident Timothy Frankerton was arrested at the Strand Theater by Delaware Police  Tuesday evening after attempting to carry an arsenal of weapons into...
National News

Romney Selects Former OSU Quarterback Art Schlichter as Running Mate

After months of speculation, presumptive Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney has chosen former Ohio State University football star Art Schlichter as his vice presidential...
In-Brief

In-Brief Breaking News: Chick-fil-AIDS Breakout Likely

All food items at the Chick-fil-A on Polaris were tainted with AIDS. So if you stood in solidarity with your gay-bashing brothers and sisters...
Local News

Street Named After Jerry Sandusky Will Remain Despite Conviction

After several weeks of deliberation, Delaware, Ohio City Council has decided not to rename Sandusky Street, which was named after convicted child rapist Jerry...
Drugs & Rec

Delaware Ohio News Little League Team in First Place

Midway through the regular season, the Delaware Ohio News (DON) Little League team is 10-0 and in first place in the Delaware Parks and...
Local News

Davis Resigns, Admits Being Too Black For Sheriff Position

Walter L. Davis III was forced to resign after his “perfect amount of blackness” was called into question after using taxpayer dollars to fund...
Local News

Kasich Proposes New Tax on Public Workers

After the crushing defeat of Senate Bill 5 on Nov. 8, Governor John Kasich is proposing a new bill to the Ohio legislature, which...
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Classified Documents Found at 37 Applebee’s Locations

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69 Things to Do With Your Storm Banana Stash

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Winter Storm Elliott arrived in Delaware, Ohio, bringing snow...

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How to Be the Toxic Family Member This Christmas

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Op-Ed: How I Learned To Love My Penis at Age 55

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About Us

Delaware Ohio News is an online news and content source dedicated to Delaware, Ohio. Founded in the year 1808, we strive to be Delaware's premier news source, second only to the illustrious Delaware Gazette. Although we were the first Delaware, Ohio newspaper, they remain the lords of Delaware news media. That's why we're suicidal and on so many drugs.

With all of that said, everything on this website is made up. Do not rely on anything said here.

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