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Nina Wilde

Nina Wilde is a serious writer and journalist. She enjoys bubble baths, cognac, and forcing wealthy white men to eat her shit out of the toilet. She saves all of her menstrual blood to prevent bio-hackers from creating copies of her perfect body and disturbed mind. She has schizophrenia and reads necrophiliac erotica in her spare time. Nina speaks fluent Chinese, Arabic, and Russian.
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Drugs & Rec

17 New Craft Breweries Planned for Delaware’s East Side

Delaware is working to cement itself as a destination for craft beer lovers, with seventeen new breweries set to open on the city's East...
Local News

Delaware Firefighter Earns Invitation to Narcan Olympics

A Delaware firefighter earned the right to compete in the 2020 Narcan Olympics after successfully reviving his 500th overdose victim during yesterday’s First Friday...
Did You Know

Rare Species of Female Alcoholic Resurfaces, Screams Profanities

Rare Species of Female Alcoholic Resurfaces, Screams Profanities In the past two weeks, residents of Delaware, Ohio have reported sightings of a rare native...
Did You Know

Ohio Wesleyan University President Admits Illiteracy

Jan. 8, 2019 UPDATED: It is a well known fact that the president of Ohio Wesleyan University, Dr. Rock Jones cannot-- in fact-- read or...
Local News

Rock Jones Sends International Students Packing

Ohio Wesleyan President Rock Jones shocked the university community today by announcing his support for President Trump’s immigration policies and sharing a drastic plan...
Local News

October First Friday Theme Makes No Fucking Sense

Every lot and secret spot was parked up downtown yesterday for Paws & Prevention themed night of confusion. October’s theme was decided by committee during...
Local News

New Prosecutor Already Gets How To Abuse Power, Perpetuate Injustice For Own Gain

New assistant prosecutor Jordan Vandemann was heralded by Delaware County Prosecutor Carol O’Brien today for speaking out against Issue 1 and successfully abusing his...
Drugs & Rec

Farm Animals At Fair Ask For Gentle Pats

Fair animals large and small issued a joint statement from the Delaware County Fair this afternoon, aiming to educate children about proper petting zoo...
Drugs & Rec

Crazy Fair Ride Hasn’t Killed Anyone Yet

A new, radically unsafe ride has yet to kill anyone during its debut at the Delaware County Fair, according to ride operator Dead Frog...

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Cocaine Lemur: Missing Pet Goes On Drug-Fueled Rampage in Marysville

Drugs & Rec 0
The saga of the missing red ruffed lemur from...

Revised Short North Curfew Only Applies to Blue-Haired People, Allies

Crime 0
In an announcement that can only be seen as...

Man Jerks Off Into Bucket

Local News 0
A Delaware man is resting today after spending the...

DUI Checkpoints Planned for Columbus Police Parking Lots

Drugs & Rec 0
The Franklin County DUI Task Force will conduct sobriety...

Columbus Police Unveil Black History Month Cruiser, “AFRICA 1”

Local News 0
The Columbus Police Department has unveiled a special edition...
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About Us

Delaware Ohio News is an online news and content source dedicated to Delaware, Ohio. Founded in the year 1808, we strive to be Delaware's premier news source, second only to the illustrious Delaware Gazette. Although we were the first Delaware, Ohio newspaper, they remain the lords of Delaware news media. That's why we're suicidal and on so many drugs.

With all of that said, everything on this website is made up. Do not rely on anything said here.

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