Ask Oltice: Where should I bury my husband?

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Dear Oltice,

My husband recently passed away and we never discussed where he would be buried. Where do you think I should bury him?

Sincerely,

Uncertain In Timmons Woods

—————————————

Uncertain,

After thinking about how Uncle Sam did Osama, I can only tell you where NOT to bury your husband, and that is at sea. Only pussies and assholes bury other people at sea. Unless you’re a viking, in which case it’s totally acceptable to place your husband on a boat, light the vessel aflame and send his dead, burning corpse to sea. Please note that the flames will not be extinguished by the sea water until your husband is an unidentifiable pile of ashes.

Good luck!

Yours,

Oltice

Oltice Walker Booth
Oltice Walker Booth
Oltice is a veteran of the United States Army, crack addict, and wise black nigga. He writes an advice column for delawareohionews.com and frequently frightens staff when he rushes into the office demanding money (often for work he hasn't performed).

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