NASA administrators announced today that Delaware, Ohio will become home of the first terrestrial space station, ending a two year search for a location and marking the beginning of their hunt for intelligent life Earth. The project, which could bring more than 1,000 jobs to the area, has been courted by local and state officials [...]

In the past year, there has been an alarming increase in otherwise healthy American citizens entering hospitals complaining of random outbursts of uncontrollable projectile vomiting, followed by heavy sweating and an inclination to tear out their own eyeballs. Ninety-nine percent of these individuals said they only experience these symptoms while surfing the Internet, more specifically, [...]

Delaware, Ohio based abortionist Carl Dostoevsky successfully aborted one of two Siamese twins yesterday at Grady Hospital, dissolving the tiresome question of what to do with that cumbersome, repetitious and slightly eerie second child. Whether Dostoevsky will be able to remove the now dead carcass from the other, still-living child remains precarious, as does the [...]

Willard Johannes Bennings, a staunch creationist and priest of the Delaware Church of Creation Science, recently had sex with a 10-year-old female chimpanzee in an attempt to prove that humans and chimps are not closely related.

The hammer is a meaningless wood-metal contraption, according to a recent scientific revelation: If the universe has no meaning and life has no purpose, the hammer is therefore just a stick of wood attached to a strangely-shaped piece of metal.