“I am going to have a bird house put in my coffin, with live birds in it. They’ll fly around and shit on me until they run out of oxygen. I think it will make God more proud of me.” – Jake Smith, discussing his funeral arrangements

“I stole your orphans!” – Stuck in Sofa’s bathroom door with a knife

“Your eyes are so blue, I could titty fuck you on the bar right now.” – Barry Masterson, trying to pick up a girl at Clancy’s

“There are sober kids in India right now. Think about that before you waste your beer.” – Abby V.

“Look, I’m making fucking history. One drink at a time, my friends. One drink at a time.” – Anthony Michaels on his attempt to be the drunkest man in Delaware’s history