Rusty Piece of Shit

The decision to buy a $200 car off Craig’s List was a regrettable one, says Drew Appleton, 19, of Delaware. 

Overjoyed at the prospect of owning his own vehicle and no longer relying on his girlfriend for transportation, Appleton was disappointed when an inoperable raccoon’s nest on rims was deposited in his backyard Sunday night.

“Obviously it was going to be a piece of shit,” said Appleton’s girlfriend, Mariah Jones. “The ad literally read: ‘Own your own vehicle and stop being a bum! Drive to your job at Jimmy John’s in style! Only $200 for a four door car with 280,000 miles and half an engine. Very rusty and full of plants. May have animals living in it. WILL PROBABLY DRIVE IF YOU FIX IT AND REPLACE EVERYTHING.'”

After slapping Mariah and reminding her not to make him look ignorant on the internet, Appleton admitted he may have used poor judgment leading up to the purchase.

“I was just like, ‘Holy shit, you have the money to buy this. You could buy a car right now. You aren’t as poor as you think you are,'” he said, describing his response to the advertisement. “All I was thinking about was pulling up to Jimmy John’s in my car and not being so lame. It was like the ad was designed just for me.”

According to Robert Caldwell, the Delaware car dealer who sold Appleton the vehicle, the ad was designed just for him.

“Selling shitty cars to uneducated, underachieving young men is a multi-million dollar industry,” Caldwell said.

Appleton will later sell the car for $10 and a skate deck.


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Ricardo Paye is a Senior Correspondent with Delaware Ohio News. Born and raised on Delaware's gritty North side, he's a reporter with a deep knowledge of the streets who isn't afraid to ask the tough questions. He's a prominent heroin addict and volunteers his time throughout Central Ohio showing new junkies the ropes. His fondest childhood memory is getting a hand job from a public utility worker in the basement of Pilsner's 5 & Dime store. He holds a degree in Amusement Park Design from Ohio Wesleyan University.



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